Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Oh where, oh where has my pronoun gone...

A friend and I were discussing an important matter today - there seems to be a serious shortage in the English language. What is one to do when one is referring to someone, and has forgotten their gender? Or for another likely case, what if one wants to keep someone's gender a tactical secret? How about for beloved Fido, whom one can never remember whether is male or female? Then again, there are all those pesky problems that come up while writing papers with choosing between the chauvinist "he", the feminist "she", the unwieldy "he or she", or the unprofessional "he/she" and "s/he". The pronoun "it" just seems so impersonal, and the use of "they" in the singular will draw large, blood-thristy mobs of grammar freaks to your door. That is why we reveal to you for your edification:
xe
Yes, my friends, the pronoun xe, the only proper English 3rd person singular androgynous pronoun [declined as xir (objective) and xis (possessive)]. Make sure to use this in future conversations so that people can know how up-to-date you are in your speech. Together we can conquer the world! (or at least affect local language patterns.).

No warranties express or implied. Offer void where prohibited. Not valid in certain villages in the Yukon Territory.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You know....that's actually not a half-bad suggestion. !

I'll do it, except I suspect it would make it hard for me to get published (or get good grades from profs) if I used it in any professional writing.... Of course, I could justify it in a footnote. Maybe if it's a liberal enough journal....