Anger as Distraction

Anger so often seems to be a way out of inner struggles. It is a way of shifting blame sometimes; but even when it is over a real issue, it can be a mask, a protective guard. To be angry (barring situations of appropriate, righteous anger) is to not have to face ones inner fears. It is a defiance of reality instead of an acceptance of the sometimes harsh and absurd nature of things. For that reason, it is often a lack of faith that God really will come and be with one in ones loneliness.

And thus it is with my feelings towards people so often, in particular concerning the faith. I'm not going to say that there aren't very real issues. However, I too often lash out, even if most of the time only mentally, because it gets my mind off of the reason why I'm frustrated; I am lonely, I don't fit it in for various reasons that are not likely to change anytime in the near future if at all, I have to take on the responsibility for learning that which I should have gotten from the larger community, I reject the foundational beliefs of the society in which I live, I live in almost constant contradictions between what I believe, what I can reason, and what I experience. Anger doesn't solve any of these problems, and in most cases a more appropriate response would be compassion and an attempt to understand those who I see misunderstanding others. Anger keeps me from actually trusting God through the situations, from letting the pain be used to teach me that which I've been too stubborn and proud to know. And who wants useless pain?

Tied to that, it's been freeing going through a study of Ecclesiastes; I realize that everything that I can do is hebel, absurd/meaningless/vanity, and knowing myself I cannot help ruining it in any case. So I guess there's nothing to do but let God bring some good out of the mess that is me.

Ok, I figure that I might as well write that for someone to listen to, as I probably won't come tomorrow morning.