The Beginnings of Philosophy

Aristotle said that philosophy begins in wonder. Sometimes, I find that my own philosophizing begins in dread.

Quite honestly, I am afraid of the world. I am trying to make due with life the best that I can, and adapt myself to it; but I'll never have enough information to be able to be sure that I know everything that would really matter to me. But I know that at any given point, I don't have enough understanding, and so I must keep going. I start off with a lack, and will always have a lack.

If philosophy starts with wonder, as my learning used to do when I could still believe in certain demonstrations and such, then we begin in a plenitude and explore it. We are not driven to do so, but we learn about the world because of the sheer joy of doing so.

Now, I can't just go back to that stage of wonder, as much as I may need it psychologically in order to get through my work. When one runs about against religious and moral problems which call for changes in life, one can't pretend that it's all about the thrill of exploration any longer, and one even starts to wonder whether chasing that thrill for its own sake is a self-centered enterprise.

Maybe Diotima's speech in the Symposium is a way of bringing these strands together. Eros is the child of Craft and Poverty, and is also chasing after Aphrodite. Eros himself has nothing; desire comes from lack. But, he is also enraptured by the object of his desire. Similarly, the philosophical pursuit is always situated in lack, but always desirous of its object as well, rendering unto it equal parts dread and wonder.